Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
