Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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