Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
