dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
