I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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