These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
