OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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