fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
