she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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