what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Panties = found
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