She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
