I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
