apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm passing your future prison.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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