Just fell off a train. Bad.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
