what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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