we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You ate ashes out of my bong
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
