Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
