Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My ATM looks so different sober.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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