you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
