If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
