Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
