it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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