her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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