my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
