Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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