I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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