i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
