I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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