He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
