just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
