Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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