Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
