I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
