hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
