I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
