Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
