I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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