We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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