you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
