and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
