Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
