Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
