i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
