dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm bleeding and have questions
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
