the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
