my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
