You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You pole danced in your parka.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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