At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
