dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
