It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
